i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it because I queefed?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
