she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
