No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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