How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
