my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
