i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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