Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
