So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
