he told me I talked like a deaf person
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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