His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
