Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
