So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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