SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
