I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
