I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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