just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
