Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
