you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
