not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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