Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (9334) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever

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  (330): fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever http://tfl.nu/itin
  Replies (11) Good night (5166) Bad night (1222)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..

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  (204): The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off.. http://tfl.nu/csfy
  Replies (5) Good night (4020) Bad night (1781)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.

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  (915): I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something. http://tfl.nu/u0v6
  Replies (5) Good night (3217) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas

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  (661): It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas http://tfl.nu/7a5h
  Replies (9) Good night (1632) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.

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  (720): I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom. http://tfl.nu/lin9
  Replies (4) Good night (584) Bad night (1787)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.

  (954): View more from Florida

  It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.

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  (305): I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight. (954): It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse. http://tfl.nu/qkdj
  Replies (7) Good night (1380) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.

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  (918): I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud. http://tfl.nu/vndr
  Replies (12) Good night (1528) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.

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  (847): And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice. http://tfl.nu/ait7
  Replies (11) Good night (864) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message

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  (719): If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message http://tfl.nu/usun
  Replies (1) Good night (1366) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?

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  (914): can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks? http://tfl.nu/0s9u
  Replies (0) Good night (423) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.

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  (206): I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cdkq
  Replies (4) Good night (946) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus

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  (740): we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus http://tfl.nu/ulnv
  Replies (0) Good night (650) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.

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  (518): Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom. http://tfl.nu/16ki
  Replies (1) Good night (298) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that

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  (859): Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that http://tfl.nu/ctlq
  Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (251)

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