i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
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You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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