i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"