Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!