Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?