hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage