One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
