Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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