I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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