I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
