Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
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It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?