I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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