I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.