we're blogging at a bar
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
