Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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