the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we're so committed to being not committed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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