oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
