Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
