Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
