they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think i scared a bird with my dick
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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