but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
