I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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