2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
