New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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