And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize