Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
