omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
