Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
