end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
