..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
