do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
