I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
