you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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