I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
