I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize