we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
