He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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