Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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