i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize