I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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