Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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