eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
