careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
