She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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