So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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