It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this hospital has no fireball
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
