I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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