i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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