Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
