She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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