i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
