u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
