Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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