It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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