my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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