i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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