I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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